Fat ladies, a beheading and the Clapham Junction mystery

The first time I set foot on Malta, seven years ago now, I was here on the trail of a gruesome beheading. Faith, Hope and Charity was the theme of my next visit, whilst more recently I've made the trip across the Mediterranean in an attempt sniff out the truth behind Clapham Junction.

The Grand Harbour, Valletta, Malta

Every time that I touch down at Valletta airport though, I've only got one thing on my mind: how to avoid being seduced - yet again - by the honey-coloured island's elephantine-wasted, dainty-ankled fat ladies.

No one does tack like a Maltese Catholic: think Lourdes made-over by a nouveau riche east European gay - that will give you some idea of the cacophony of colour and the überglitz that boggles the mind when walks across the threshold of even the smallest Baroque church (as in the two photos).

To be continued.